Rule #1: Cardio

So for those of you who don't know, I'm a bit of an overweight zombie girl. Makes sense. As we all can surmise, it's the chubby ones who will fall to the undead first.

But hopefully, that will change!

I have set my sights on the Run for Your Lives 5k run, and I have begun training. I am starting off with the Couch to 5k run program, and then I'm going to get some friends (who are amazing, and I'm a lucky gal to have them) to help me train up for the terrain running and obstacle parts.

And, of course, my megawesomeness boyfriend is running with me. Along with a few friends. And hopefully, my seestar.

So soon, with luck, I will be on my way to surviving the apocalypse... both in the race, and in real life (when the time comes). I mean, seriously, what better motivator for learning to run than to be able to run from zombies?

Once I've mastered the cardio, it's on to shooting and double taps.

Braaaiiiinnnn Food: What is a good motivator for you to get moving?


UNDEAD BONUS! Check out this cool kickstarter venture to help you train for any zombie chase you might run into.

Apocalyptic Valentine

Shirt from Woot!

So for those of you who had no idea (somehow), I have an amazingly awesome boyfriend. Because of having kids, and jobs, and real adult lives, we aren't able to see each other on today's day of love, but we are still able to do nice things for each other like we always do.

With that being said, I sent him this lovely e-card assuring him that he's safe during the zombie apocalypse (for now). I just wanted him to know that I cared.

Seriously, I'm not sure what to make of Valentine's Day. I like to think that my guy and I take pretty darn good care of each other every day, and I certainly have no lack of signs from him that he thinks of me and thinks I'm pretty darn spifferiffic. However, I did not receive a zombie-themed love note from him declaring his future eating habits. Perhaps, something like this might have sufficed. It has a cute little message attached, doesn't it?

Romantically Apocalyptic

But regardless, I don't need these things to know he cares, and I don't know why at least ten times today people wanted to challenge me on this notion. It's common for people to talk about celebrating Christmas every day, but what about the great Valentine's? Is it really just a mass consumerist scam to make us all go crazy and buy gifts for no reason but because today of all days we are supposed to? Ergo, does that mean I can't expect these awesome things any other day?

Me no likey.

Seriously, everyone. I adore my boyfriend. He adores me. We don't get to see each other today and it sucks. But it does not mean it's broken, or it's not as good as I think, or anything else. I think it's awesome.

And hell, who else would appreciate my awesome Valentine's card choices?

I'd wish you a happy Valentine's Day but I rebel. I wish you each instead a happy love-everyday-day. And if you haven't found yours yet, I hope you find it soon.

After all, everyone needs to have a last snack for the apocalypse.

Braaaaiiiinnn Food: How important is Valentine's Day to you?

Prepping for the Future

From the Doomsday
Preppers website

I learned today that 61% of Americans - that's more than half of the population - believe that they need to be prepared for some sort of doomsday scenario within the next 20 years.

Enter Doomsday Preppers.

Unfortunately, my lack of cable has kept me from being able to see this show, but I am delighted that it even exists! These people don't only horde supplies, but according to the show website, they even train their children to shoot guns and build like Macguyver. It has to be incredible to see, and I encourage you all to watch it on my behalf.

However, this makes me start to question my own readiness for the future. I think I have a gallon of spring water, that was really meant for my daughter's fish bowl, but of course can be used in a pinch. I have some canned food in my pantry, but nothing really that awesome. And, that's about it. I have a wooden sword for protection, and a whole lot of imagination. I'm not even sure I have rope!

So the next question is, do I need to prepare? Where would I keep all the stuff if I did? I live in an apartment, which probably isn't that safe anyway.

I suddenly feel like I have a bit to think about. But in the meantime, I'm definitely going to watch the pros, and most likely laugh at them.

Braaaaaiiiiinnn Food: Do you prepare for the future in any way?

When Opportunity Attacks

Self explanatory

So after literal years of abstinence, I began roleplaying again with some friends. I was never super experienced to begin with so I still play like a noob, and I'm ok with that. Some things I remember well, others it's like I'm playing for the first time ever. In all actuality, this is the first time I've played a Pathfinder campaign, so I guess that's true in many regards.

At any rate it was a fun - and educational - experience.

One thing that I can never quite comprehend (and this was true from my old D&D days as well) was the entire concept of "attack of opportunity." I mean, humor me here. Assume we live in a world where humans, elves, halflings, orcs, dwarves and the like live together and for no real reason often choose to set out for adventure and conquest. All that aside, let's try to rationalize the attack of opportunity.

For those of you unfamiliar, it goes something like this.A bad guy (in last night's instance it was a giant firebeetle) engages me in battle. He attacks with his pincers, a little stabby stabby, and his turn is over so we are left standing directly side by side. My turn comes around and like any wise halfling (especially one who uses a bow), I think it might be a good idea to move from the monster. I mean, halflings aren't necessarily the bravest of things, and this beetle is four times my size.

This is what happens when
you try to run!

Well here's the deal. If I am standing next to a monster and then run away, that monster gets an attack of opportunity against me, where he can freely attack the crap out of me and often kill me. No bueno. However, if I only move one itty bitty step away, he does not get the attack and I am free to stand and finish my turn without him getting a free attack.

Great. So let's go back to visualizing this as a real battle. Let's assume, yes, ok, you get an attack on me for catching your attention as I run off. Fine. Beat me up as I run with my little bitty legs as far as I can muster. But if I'm only side-stepping you, what about that motion makes you not want to attack me anymore. Aren't I easier prey than ever when I'm standing right there?!? Wouldn't you see me scoot right over there and reach out your arm and go bam! right in the kisser?

But for some reason, you don't.

This makes no sense to me. None at all. Either attack me because I try to run away, or leave me alone. But this silly little glitch of a rule - while I admit is super advantageous for me - is the dumbest thing I've run across thus far.

So if opportunity strikes, just attack me. Make it easier for us all to understand.

Braaaaaiiiiinnnn Food: What rules for tabletops drive you absolutely batty?

The Underdog

Neville is the ultimate underdog.

I've had quite a few story ideas bouncing around in my head lately. They aren't really fleshed out novels or anything, but they are ideas I would like to cultivate and think through. Stories I would like to slowly - and cautiously - begin, and see where they end up taking me.

Several of these ideas revolve around underdog characters. No, it's not a new genre by any stretch, but it's one that's always fascinated me. And honestly, doesn't it fascinate most of us? Didn't you secretly root for Neville Longbottom or Samwise Gamgee every once in awhile, just because you knew they would always live in the shadows of others? And when those people did something right, didn't you feel a giant wave of excitement. That's it! He proved himself! He'll be the popular one now! Or.... not.

Well, there are a few of these character types I'd like to explore. Some of them aren't even particular underdogs, they are just secondary characters I would like to take further. Archetypes I'd like to explore.

And then there's... Sam.

One author in particular made quite a living out of this mindset. Gregory Maguire has written a whole series of these books, and many people seem to like the story. To be honest, I tried to start Wicked and was instantly bored, which worries me about the fate of my tales. However, I don't aim to make such blatant statements as "Zombie Baby from Dawn of the Dead." I just want to explore some ideas. Maybe for me more than anyone else, I'm not sure.

Anyhoo, maybe I'll try it, maybe I'm just talking about it. But for some reason these ideas have been rattling my brain for a week or more, so I thought it's time everyone else should know too.

Maybe, I'll just write about myself as the underdog. Because, of course, I've got super powers hidden in this body somewhere, just waiting to bust out like confetti.

Braaaaiiiiinnnn Food: What kind of story would you write if given the chance?

Midget Wrestling

So I attended my first midget wrestling event with some friends Saturday night, and laughed with the crowd as the Pint Size Brawlers commenced to staple each other's faces and pound each other into the ground. It was a fun time, and definitely an experience, but questions of moral conscience arise while one contemplates this event.

Is it ok to laugh at others for their shortcomings (haha) when they put themselves out there to be laughed at? Or should we still respect that they have a disability of sorts and shun the idea of laughing at their antics? Do we feel proud of them for overcoming adversity and making the best of their situation, or do we feel regret that this is the best they thought they had to offer?

All in all, I have no idea what Turtle, Midget the Psycho Clown and Adam Smalls were feeling, but they didn't seem too unhappy with themselves. In fact, they were loved by the crowd and were rockstars in their own rites. Surely more of a star than I will ever be.

Perhaps the ones we should really feel sorry for are the drunken girls looking to say that they kissed a midget. As my J-Bear points out while watching a girl make out with a midget after that small man just drank a pitcher full of pee (true story), "Sweetie, please don't ever let yourself be one of those girls." I think they are the losers in this scenario. Those poor girls, they weren't even funny. You just watched what they were doing and thought "how sad."

Somehow being a midget makes us find it cool that you make a public ass out of yourself. Funny how our minds work.

Braaaaiiiinnnn Food: Would you laugh at midgets wrestling, like I did?

Bodyguardin'

These kids aren't afraid to shoot.

So today I took an important first step in my little zombie's life: I took her to play laser tag.

Keep in mind that my midget is only four, so the vest is giant sized on her. In fact, as she's dragging her pack around, her sensor is literally down by her ankles Which makes me wonder how she actually managed to get hit so many times. Her three scores for the day (because we signed up for a triple play) were a proud -133, -33, and -47.

If only we were playing golf!

Actually it was a lot of fun and I'm proud that my little one doesn't care what her score is. However, there is a deep, underlying note of distress here. Clearly, my Bean has no idea how to defend herself in an attack.

I was doing my best to serve as her bodyguard. I followed closely behind her the whole time, and tried to clear a perimeter for the little girl to amble along slowly and safely. However, when she fails to remember to actually shoot at any of her opponents, its hard to make much headway. I was proud to see that after awhile she learned to duck behind doorways and the like, but she was still just a standing duck most of the time.

Of course, the fact that we were walking at a snail's pace, and that I was constantly reminding Bean to "shoot, shoot, shoot" didn't help dodge the lasers. My scores weren't too great either, but at least I was midrange each round.

I think that I need to plan a regiment of training to commence immediately. I know it's possible, I saw some 7 and 8 year olds who were familiar with the term "sniping" and who were taking people out. So I propose that we all start taking our children to the laser tag arena. Teach them how to hide, how to sneak, and how to shoot.

On the plus side, Bean knows to use the grates in the floor and the windows to try to find people. If only she remembered to fire at them once she found them. And to not shoot at herself in the mirror so much.

Seriously, I forgot how fun this is and I want to go back soon. Maybe just with my adult friends. Make teams, clear a perimeter, train ourselves up.

Who knows, it could lead to a more profitable future of survival.... maybe.

Braaaaiiiiiinnn Food: How do you teach little kids to play great and to play fair in a shooting arena?